My Side of the Story
by brittanydelko4ever
Summary: Hotch is the one who finds Emily instead of Morgan.she actually dies, Her death makes him question where he's at in his life, and all of the things he's had to go through in the last 5 years or so. my entry for the CCOAC theme song challenge. plz RnR


_**My Side of the Story**_

**A/N don't hate me, for the sake of this story Emily is actually Dead and Hotch is the one who found her instead of Morgan. Her death makes him question where he's at in his life, and all of the things he's had to go through in the last 5 years or so. I just want to clarify I'm the biggest Emily Prentiss fan there is and I would never actually want her dead**.

_Cold wind blows, I am shivering  
>My body<em>_aches as my heart is breaking  
>Why is life making me hollow?<br>Why is happiness casting me in the shadows?  
>In the shadows.<em>

_Hold on, don't turn and walk away  
>Save me<br>And I cried these words but nobody came_

_I'm all alone, running scared  
>Losing my way in the dark<br>I tried to get up, stand on a prayer  
>But I keep crashing down hard<br>This is my side of the story  
>Only my side of the story<br>Nobody cares, nobody's__there, no one will hear  
>My side of the story<em>

"Daddy, you're not watching the movie." Jack gently nudges my shoulder as the TV drones on in front of me.

"sorry buddy." I smile warmly at him and look back at the screen..

I'm trying to watch the movie with him but honestly my mind is a million miles away. I can't really process the children's movie right now. It had been three day's since we had buried Emily Prentiss. It's no secret that the BAU team is like our own little family, losing one of own is never easy and this proved to be the same. The team was reeling from the events of the last couple weeks.

'let me go' Emily had said when I had found her lying on the floor a wooden stake protruding from her body. The look in her eyes an d those three words had been haunting me for days now, I can't sleep or really do anything without that image creeping up in my mind. That it's self had me thinking. Was it time for me to retire? What was i doing? I know I can't stand to loose any one else. The last five years had been tough.

First Elle, had been shot, which I still felt guilt for to this day. Elle had been a good agent, sure she was a little green, but we all started that way. She had been a happy one day and then, after she was shot I didn't pay enough attention to the signs my gut told me she wasn't ready but I still let her go undercover, my head kept screaming at me to put a stop to the whole thing but I didn't, and I was right it was to early and she had killed that man in cold blood effectively ending her career with the BAU. Still to this day none of us had heard from her, I heard that she had transferred to the Seattle police department, After that I don't know what became of her. I just hope that she is happy where ever she is

That had been a hard obstacle for the team to overcome but we had manged and then Emily had joined us everything was good for a while until Jason had decided he couldn't take anymore and left. That last case had broke him, I can't help but wounder is that going to be me?

_Emptiness its all around me  
>I try to catch my breath<br>I barely survive and I  
>Cant go on and I come undone<br>and there's Nothing__left in me_

_Hold on, don't turn and walk away  
>save me<br>And I cried these words but nobody came_

_I'm all alone, running scared  
>Losing my way in the dark<br>I tried to get up, stand on a prayer  
>But I keep crashing down hard<br>This is my side of the story  
>Only my burden to bear<br>Nobody cares, nobody's there, no one will hear_

I had almost left after that but I didn't I knew Strauss was out for blood. Why wouldn't she be my team was falling apart, I had lost two agents in two years. However, I had stood my ground and kept going, somewhere along the line my relationship with Haley had deteriorated even further. I did love her but, some where along the line I got to wrapped up in my career and we had grown apart. That had lead to divorce. Then Foyet happened, I drove my self crazy trying to catch him. He knew my weakness and went after my family, not being able to see my son was the hardest thing I've ever done. Again I had almost called I quits then but I didn't I was determined to get Foyet. All I accomplished there was getting Haley killed and now my son was growing up with out a mother. For Jacks sake I kept up a strong front. When Doyle happened I should have payed more attention Emily had been quiet even more distant in the weeks leading up to it. Morgan had approached me about it but by the time I had asked her it had been too late and we were already in the middle of a mess.

Everyone sees the stern serious side of me, the side that doesn't let emotion show. But I wasn't always like that I used to be fun, and easy going. I used to laugh a lot, some how over the last two decades that person I used to be had slowly started to chip away. Sure when I'm not at work I'm not all serious and broody but, anymore I really don't share that with many people. If I were to profile myself I would tell you that it's because I don't want to get close to another person and then loose them.

_As I fall down  
>As I fall in<br>And I cried these words but nobody came  
><em>

_I'm all alone, running scared  
>Losing my way in the dark<br>I tried to get up, stand on a prayer  
>But I keep crashing down hard<br>This is my side of the story  
>Only my side of the story<br>My side of the story  
><em>

_Only My burden to bear  
>Nobody cares, nobody's there no one will hear<br>__My side of the story_

I'm not a depressed person contrary to what this might sound like. But, sitting in that cold dark room and watching my friend slip away before my eyes, had been a wake up call I need to change what I'm doing or just do what I'm doing differently. That would start tomorrow, my story leading up until today had been filled with pain and loneliness but that didn't matter, tomorrow would be different I owe it to myself, to my son, and to everyone else around me to be my very best. It's time to change my side of the story.

I pull myself from my thoughts just in time to catch the last few minutes of the movie, fittingly the part where mega mind becomes the hero. Another reminder that everything could turn around for the better

"daddy can we get ice cream?" Jack asks me as the credits begin rolling on the screen.  
>"why not buddy.' I ruffle his hair."go get your shoes on and we'll go. You pick the place."<p>

"Yay!" he exclaims and takes off toward the door where he shoes are. The whole way he's chatting away happily about where he want's to go and what he's going to get. A small laugh escapes my lips as I follow his lead and head toward the door. And for the first time all day a genuine smile crosses my face.

The end.

**I've never really been that good at writing Hotch, so this was defiantly a challenge, a nice one at that. The song pretty much propelled me through this. Once I sat down it words just stared coming. I Hope that it lives up to whoever suggested the song's expectations. And I hope that Hotch is to far off character. I really wanted to end it on a good note so I hope that I did. Anyway, Please review!**


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